Depressed
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And so I was at the Fracture clinic of University College London Hospital yesterday afternoon. The backslab was taken off and the Sister put a brand new fibre glass plaster on. It's red! w00t! Did an X-ray and the consultant said I'm recovering well BUT I still cannot put any weight on my foot for AT LEAST 2 weeks! I'm given a sicknote for 4 weeks! 4 bloody weeks! The next appointmet will be on 31 Oct. Still a looooooooooooong way to go. Sigh
It's so depressing to stay in bed the whole day. I think too much and this makes me even more depressed about the situation. People have been telling me to enjoy the recovery process. Excuse me? enjoy? No fucking way! Don't you ever wish you were in my shoes.
I was so happy that I could go out of the house yesterday. I woke up early, got dressed, took 2 Panadol Actifast, had an apple and waited for my Aunt to go to the hospital together. The weather was brilliant and I enjoyed every single second of it. The moment I set foot into my room, depression sank in. When I looked at my bright red plaster, I felt depressed again. When I was hungry, I was depressed. I haven't been eating proper food for the past few days and I'm too embarrassed to get people to bring breakfast, lunch and dinner for me anymore. Whatever satisfies my hunger and is edible goes into my mouth- apples, oat cakes, chocolates, crisps and all sorts of junk food. It's unhealthy, I know but there's nothing much I can do. Occassionaly when the boyfriend comes home from work early, there's Wagamama for me. Sometimes, there's salad for lunch from the Italian next to his office. Sometimes, he takes away Wagamama and my flatmate will heat up for me the following day. But I cannot expect this everyday.
Argh. Fucking depressing.
I haven't had proper shower since 26 of September. Every night, I get a wet towel and clean my body. Every 2 or 3 days, either the bf or the flatmate carries a chair into the bathroom so I can wash my hair. I am disgusted at myself.
Hopefully I can put some weight on after 2 weeks. I might arrange for a taxi to bring me to and from work then. I CANNOT lie in bed and do nothing every day.
All I can do is count down till the day I can walk. And try to be slightly optimistic.
