Tears
I don't know since when I've become this fragile. All this while, I thought I was strong. I thought I was one tough cookie. Emotionally, that is. I thought I was the girl who only cries when watching sad movies or listening to sappy songs.
For the past week, I've shed so much tears. Probably enough to fill a bucket or two.
Could it be the hormones? Or could it be exam stress? Or could it be that I've become too fragile that I can't handle any hurdles in life?
Those who know me well know that I didn't shed a tear when I found out the bitter truth about him. I didn't even cry this much when BAT rejected me. I didn't cry because I miss home. I didn't cry when I was alone. I didn't wail when I had to leave home for the very first time. The last time I cried so badly was in June 2000, when my uncle passed away.
But why have I been crying so much recently? Why am I so fragile now a days?
I cried when I was on the phone just now, talking to Mom. She was worried after the first conversation that she had to ask my brother to ask me to ring her again. She wanted to make sure I was fine. I was. I fought so hard to hold my tears whe Mom brought up him. I was over him, wasn't I? And why am I crying? I poured my heart out to Mom this afternoon. I told her how heart broken I was when I found out the bitter truth. I told her how disappointed I was. I told her about the betrayal. I told her why I stopped talking to both of them. She listened to me as I told her everything. She probably shed tears too. She told me everything is fine now, and I should be thankful to God because God has shown me that he's not a very nice person, and I didn't fall into his trap. She said I'll find the right person one day.
Well, we'll never know who's the right one if we hadn't met the wrong person, right? :)
I finally shared this part of me with Mom today. I'm glad I did it. So did she. She said she's very glad that I talked to her about it.
It's hard to go back to the past. It's so hard. It took me so long to get over it. Oh wait. Perhaps I wasn't really over it yet because I'm crying so hard now. Perhaps, all this while, what I was covering up my emotions, not heal my broken heart?
I don't want to pine no more. I hate pining. In my dictionary, pining is for losers. I don't want to be one. I want to move on. Yes, I will. I need courage, I need time.
I want to be the old me again. I want to be the person who doesn't cry so easily. Walk with me, guide me, be with me, will you?
For the past week, I've shed so much tears. Probably enough to fill a bucket or two.
Could it be the hormones? Or could it be exam stress? Or could it be that I've become too fragile that I can't handle any hurdles in life?
Those who know me well know that I didn't shed a tear when I found out the bitter truth about him. I didn't even cry this much when BAT rejected me. I didn't cry because I miss home. I didn't cry when I was alone. I didn't wail when I had to leave home for the very first time. The last time I cried so badly was in June 2000, when my uncle passed away.
But why have I been crying so much recently? Why am I so fragile now a days?
I cried when I was on the phone just now, talking to Mom. She was worried after the first conversation that she had to ask my brother to ask me to ring her again. She wanted to make sure I was fine. I was. I fought so hard to hold my tears whe Mom brought up him. I was over him, wasn't I? And why am I crying? I poured my heart out to Mom this afternoon. I told her how heart broken I was when I found out the bitter truth. I told her how disappointed I was. I told her about the betrayal. I told her why I stopped talking to both of them. She listened to me as I told her everything. She probably shed tears too. She told me everything is fine now, and I should be thankful to God because God has shown me that he's not a very nice person, and I didn't fall into his trap. She said I'll find the right person one day.
Well, we'll never know who's the right one if we hadn't met the wrong person, right? :)
I finally shared this part of me with Mom today. I'm glad I did it. So did she. She said she's very glad that I talked to her about it.
It's hard to go back to the past. It's so hard. It took me so long to get over it. Oh wait. Perhaps I wasn't really over it yet because I'm crying so hard now. Perhaps, all this while, what I was covering up my emotions, not heal my broken heart?
I don't want to pine no more. I hate pining. In my dictionary, pining is for losers. I don't want to be one. I want to move on. Yes, I will. I need courage, I need time.
I want to be the old me again. I want to be the person who doesn't cry so easily. Walk with me, guide me, be with me, will you?
