MooPig & The Babe

Yesterday, I went to see my supervisor to return an MBA thesis.

In his office:

I handed in my project proposal yesterday.

Yeah. I got it. But you have a lot of reference which you didn't include.

But I didn't read the journals. I took them from the journals that I read that's why I didn't include them in the reference.

That can be dangerous, you know. You did a great job in the proposal but your reference wasn't good.

Yeah.. um.. will I be penalised for the reference.

Yes... We'll see how it goes.

I'll loose a lot of marks?

Yeah.. maybe.

Ok... *I was so speechless*

It's ok, it's a learning process, you know.

Yeah.. Thanks. See you around.

Pleasure.

I walked out from my supervisor's room, disappointed. It was like the end of the world. I worked my guts out for this proposal and now, I will be penalised because I didn't reference the journals which I quoted. What I did in the proposal was XYZ's (199X) theory is consistent with ABC (199X) and DEF (200X). I only referenced XYZ's but not ABC's and DEF's.

I came back, sat in front of my laptop and decided to send an email to my supervisor, hoping that I'll be given a second chance. I didn't specify what I wanted to do but I mentioned that I hope I can do something in order to ammend the mistakes.

Almost every hour, I checked my Inbox. One hour passed... two hours passed.. the third hour.. the forth hour..... And today... No reply.

No more... no more second chance for me. Damage has been done and there is no turning back at all.

I'm shattered. I'm sad. The mark that I get will be final because this proposal is worth 10 credits. I see my first class flying away... I can no longer dream of going to LSE. I can no longer dream of Oxbridge. I don't think LSE and Oxbridge will accept a 2:1 graduate.

I have now learnt the importance of referencing. Never ever mess with it.

Posted by MooPig at 19:02 | Permalink | Comments

Great. 2.30am and I'm still wide awake. My housemate and her friend think I'm nuts because I'm so hyperactive when they are struggling to stay awake in order to finish the project proposal.

Nothing interesting happening lately. Life is b.o.r.i.n.g over here.

I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored.

I've been online on ICQ since this afternoon. Over a span of 10 hours or so, I got like 5 people from Turkey requesting me to chat with them, and around 4-5 requesting for my authorisation. Huh? All went into the 'Ignore' list in the end. Why Turkey and not other part of the world? *scratches head*

Last minute work is no good. A few of my friends are rushing for the project proposal at the moment. I don't think they'll sleep tonight. I can never not sleep the whole night. No matter how much work I have, I still need to catch a wink. Coffee doesn't work. Tea doesn't work. Thank God mine's done. =) *reminder to self: no last minute work.*

I thought about something!

I have an encouraging supervisor. He never gave me bad remarks whenever I showed him my work. He always says 'That's great!' 'It's good!' and yada yada yada. The first time I heard him saying that, I felt great. I went home and told my housemate about it, just like how a kid tells mommy the teacher said he/she has been a good boy/girl in school. =)

The second time I showed him my work, he said the same thing. And the third time, he said the same thing. And this afternoon, he said the same thing.

I can't help but wonder, how truthful is he?

I understand that it's very kind of him to give positive comments on my work, but don't you think it sounds too perfect? I would rather hear both positive and negative comments so I can keep the good and throw the bad. He didn't tell me the shortcomings in the proposal until I asked him how I can improve on my work. What if I hadn't ask him how I can improve? Does that mean that he will keep quiet and not tell me anything? And what happens when he marks my project proposal? Give me a bad mark when he tells me it's a good piece of work?

Posted by MooPig at 02:28 | Permalink | Comments

I should really be sleeping now. I have a 9am class tomorrow morning, or rather, in 6 hour's time, but I just can't bring myself to sleep. I don't think insomnia strikes this time. I am the one to be blamed. I'm the one who created this and I shall live with it...

He always has a special place in my heart because he's the first guy I truly loved. Not the puppy love kind. He's the first guy who held my hand. He took away my first kiss. He's the first guy whom I said 'I love you' and meant it.

Things turned sour after he left for Australia 2 years ago and we never heard from each other again. I have always hoped that he will call me so we can patch things up and probably start all over again because our break up wasn't 'official' in the sense that either of us didn't say that we wanted to break up. I realised that we seldom contacted each other. Weekly phone calls became a fortnight thing and the conversations weren't as sweet as before. I know it's kinda freaky but I dreamt that he wanted to break up with me. From then on, I just stopped contacting him and he didn't contact me. We lost contact within a few weeks after he left for Australia.

For 2 years, I've been asking the same question over and over again. Why did we break up? He never gave me the reason. He never told me he wanted to break up. Everything just went *poof*. Gone.

And I did the stupidest thing just now.

After two years,
I called him.

Yes, I called. I just picked up the phone and dialled the number. I didn't plan the conversation at all.

I can still remember his number.

He picked up the phone. I could still recognise his voice. The way he said 'Hello' was still the same.

I started to tremble.

We started talking. The whole conversation was so cold. He has changed. The way he talked was different. His accent was the worst accent I've ever heard, and I'm not being biased. It was atrocious. Terrible! Horrible! Yucks! He tried to sound businessman-ish over the phone by saying 'I'm too busy. I just don't have time to do this and that'. By the way, he's doing some e-commerce business at the moment. Before I ended the conversation, I just wished him best of luck in his business and I thanked him for the love he gave me. How very sarcastic uh?

It wasn't a good conversation at all. Lots of hiccups in between. I'm sure he was taken aback when he heard me mentioning my name. I was shivering throughout the 20 minutes conversation. The second I put down the phone, I can't help but called myself stupid. Is it worth it for me to make a fool out of myself to find the answer that I've been wanting to know for 2 years? I needed someone to talk to badly. I wanted to go to Cherry's room but she was already asleep as it was 2 something. I called a friend instead. I cried over the phone. I knew it wasn't worth it but I cried anyway. Stupid, you may call me but I needed to let out. It felt good.. Hey pal, I owe you one this time. ;)

I finally know the answer albeit it's not the answer that I've been expecting. From this moment on, you will no longer have a special place in my heart. I will no longer hope for a U-turn. I will no longer wait for you. I will forget you and our paths shall not cross again. It's too painful when I think about you. The love letters that I've been keeping all this while shall go into the bin. The photos, too, will be in the bin. The soft toys that you gave me will either go to charity or be taken by sister. The necklace and key chains that you gave will be in the box which I will never open. You've hurt me too deeply. They said first cut is the deepest. I finally understand how it feels. Time is all I need.. and you'll be forgotten.

Posted by MooPig at 04:05 | Permalink | Comments

To all the muslims out there,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin

Posted by MooPig at 23:07 | Permalink | Comments

Easier said than done. Don't you think so?

Do you say I forgive you and when you meet that person the next time, you forget that you've been hurt?

Once, a very close friend of mine accused my friend and I for her break up with her then boyfriend. I swear to God that we didn't even tell him to break up with her. It was his decision. In fact, we did try to patch things up but obviously it didn't work. I was extremely taken aback when I read about it in her blog. I was so frustrated. Never in my life had I expected this to happen. She assumed everything and put the blame on us. Some time later, she found out that she was wrong. She apologised to us. I told her it's okay but we hardly talked since then. Everytime we talked, there was an invisible wall between the both of us. I forgave her for what she has done. But, I can never forget the fact that she actually accused me.

Forgive and forget? I don't think so. Maybe forgive, but not forget. A scar is a scar and it will always remain as a scar. One day, the scar might fade... but only time can tell how long it takes.

Posted by MooPig at 17:44 | Permalink | Comments

Can't believe it's Thursday. Reading week is coming to an end soon! For the past few days, I've been spending my reading week on project proposal and International Treasury Management. Boring stuffs. As for today and the next few days, I'll be spending time doing International Business assignment. Work, work, work and more work. How I miss my second year. This time last year, I was in York with Cherry, my housemate, and we had a fabulous time there. It was the first time we travelled by ourselves. No daddy, no Mommy. We looked at the map and found our ways to our destinations. We got lost, we found our ways. Due to our bad sense of direction, we memorised landmarks along the ways. hehe. Ah, memories.

Raya is this weekend and I'll be celebrating it with my fellow Malaysians at the Post grad's. This year, besides the yummylicious food, they are also organising games like Win, Lose or Draw, Karaoke, music chair for the kids and so on. Something different from the past two years. =) Definitely looking forward to Raya.

Posted by MooPig at 12:19 | Permalink | Comments

Scrubbing the kitchen's floor after dinner a few nights ago reminded me of how pampered I was to have a maid when I was at home.

At home, kakak attended to all my needs. I hardly washed the dishes. I never washed my clothes. Clothes were hand washed by kakak. In the morning, she woke us up. She made up our beds, washed the dishes, prepared meals, cleaned the house and etc. The only time I had to do house work was when kakak went back to Indonesia for about a month.

My parents employed their first maid after they got married. Since then, we never lived without a maid. Our current maid, who has been working for us for almost 4 years, is our 18th maid. Mom used to employ Thai girls as maids because their pays were low. Besides it was easier to send them back home when they wanted to. There was no paper work involved. Language wasn't a problem. Mom picked up Thai pretty fast. In fact, I learnt how to speak Thai from the maids. Then Mom realised Thai girls couldn't stay long. Every now and then, they wanted to go back home. Eventually Mom got fed up of changing maids so she decided to employ an Indonesian maid. Our first Indonesian maid worked for us for 7 years. She left us after she found out her husband was having an affair with another woman from the same kampung as her. Then came this maid and she has been working for almost 4 years.

As you can see, I've never lived without a maid. That was how spoilt I was, so are my sister and brother. We never had to clean our school shoes as kakak washed them. I never ironed my own clothes until I went to KTJ. Even in KTJ, I was still pampered. There was laundry service. Meals were prepared, although they were terrible. There were cleaners who swept and mopped the floor and also cleaned the wall fans once in a while.

Until I came to UK, I had to learn to do everything by myself. From washing my own clothes to ironing them and from cooking to washing the dishes. I can still remember how I nearly burnt my shirt because the iron was on 'high'. I didn't know how to operate the washing machine at my present house. I dyed my magnolia-coloured towel blue because I washed it together with my blue colour bedsheet and duvet at 90 Degrees celcius. There were so many things that I didn't know how to do.

Now, things have changed. Fortunately. :P After being overseas for 2 years plus, I've learnt how to be independent. I learnt it the hard way and I'm still learning. I no longer dye a magnolia colour towel blue, I know how to operate the washing machine, I no longer burn my shirts, and oh, I finally know Mom felt when she had to scrub the floor when she was a young girl because I didn't use the mop to clean the kitchen's floor. I scrubbed it with a piece of cloth!

Posted by MooPig at 16:07 | Permalink | Comments