Before and during my exams, my parents and I occassionaly bring up the topic of jobs. They're keen on me staying back here and so am I. However, we didn't discuss it it depth. Before I could explain more, they said 'Concentrate on your exams first, think about that later'. So I just brushed the idea aside and never really thought about it. Even when I attended interviews and assessment days, they just asked about it and didn't really sound keen on the companies.
Then came 20 June. The final day of my exams. I was online, chatting to Mommy on MSN in the afternoon.
After asking about my paper and all, she started: So what's your plan now?
I told her my plan- try to find a job, go home for a few weeks, travel etc.
Then she told me to act fast- just 3 hours after my exams she was telling me to get a job already. Fine. I just said I'll try. You know, I know, she knows, everyone knows it's so darn difficult for international students to get a job in UK because of work permit problems.
Around midnight, I spoke to Dad. He asked me the same question again- what's my plan. The oh-so-famous question in the house now. And he told me to start job hunting now, continue with my dissertation. I told him I'm going to Scotland next month for 3 days and he got all worried. He's worried I won't complete my dissertation in time.
Everytime I talk to them, it's about jobs, jobs, jobs. Dissertation, dissertation, dissertation.
Jobs and dissertation. These two words. They are getting on my nerves now.
It's not that I don't want a job. I've been so stressed over the past months. They told me not to think about jobs first and concentrate on my papers. The next thing I know, they're telling me to quickly find a job in UK/Ireland right after my exams.
I feel like a pressure cooker now. I'm about to explode anytime. I feel like I'm getting a nervous breakdown very soon.
It so happened Miss PartyPooper was online when I was chatting with Mommy. I whined to her that my Mom's already pressuring me about getting a job. I told her I've been so tensed for the past few days and the last thing I want is extra pressure. I said I just want to relax for a few days before continuing with my job hunt which I've abandoned for the past few months. I was expecting her to console me. In the end? She told me: oh, you're just escaping from life. bla bla bla. Seriously, if I hadn't controlled my fingers, I would have typed the four-letter F word to her. But I didn't. I told her to stop pouring cold water on me.
And it doesn't help that I'm PMS-ing. I've been controlling my temper so hard. I know I'll snap and whoever the victim is, good luck to you. Miss PartyPooper might be next.
ObviouslyI'm in a foul mood now.
I hate being at this stage of life. All this while, I knew what I wanted. After SPM, I knew I wanted to do A-levels. After A-levels, I knew I wanted to go to university. I knew I wanted to come to UK/Australia. After my degree, I knew I wanted to study Masters. After Masters, I'm lost.
I don't know what I want. I don't think I'm cut out to be an accountant anymore. I was thinking of doing a conversion course to be a lawyer . But I know I can't for now. Money factor, darlings. Speech therapy? Another 3 year course. Again. Money. Obviously I can't study anymore. I need some working experience. But what can I do? Someone shed some light please.
Or maybe I should really be a housewife. A housewife with a Masters. But then again... who wants to marry me?